


Learning to Be Okay

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anxiety Disorder, Bad Parenting, Bed-Wetting, Child Abuse, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Underage Rape (He's seventeen)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7350442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theo is a little in a world that doesn't take kindly to his classification. He's used and abused his entire life, but he's strong and with some love, he can learn to be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea this morning and I couldn't get it out of my head, so here we are. Let me know what you think!

Theo was five years old when his mother finally put her foot down and got rid of his pacifiers. He managed to sneak his favorite one away, hiding it under his pillow. He knew he was too old for a pacifier; no one in his kindergarten class used them anymore. However, Theo just couldn’t give them up. They felt so good and always improved his mood on bad days. He could rarely sleep without one.

When Theo was six years old, his father told him if he didn’t stop wetting the bed, he’d be very, _very_ sorry. The next morning, when Theo woke up to wet training pants, his father stripped him naked and hosed him down in the backyard. Freezing cold, Theo was left in the backyard until his father deemed him forgiven. That was repeated for three weeks until finally Theo didn’t wet the bed anymore.

Theo was seven years old when his father started telling him to grow up. He wasn’t allowed to play with stuffed toys or watch certain cartoons or cry; that was stuff for babies, and Theo was _not_ a baby. But it was still hard. He had throw out his favorite toy (a well-loved teddy), he missed his favorite cartoons, and it was really hard not to cry sometimes.

A week after Theo turned eight, his mother stopped reading him bedtime stories. When he asked her about it, his father gave him an angry glare and told him he was too old to be coddled and doted on like a baby. Theo tried to argue that a story before bed didn’t make him a baby and that it helped him sleep. His father’s eyes became fiery and he threw Theo in the hallway closet and told him he could sleep there. When Theo was let out in the morning, he didn’t dare say a word.

When Theo was nine years old, his mother threw away his night light, saying it was well past due for him to grow up. He didn’t mention that he was scared of the dark, of the monsters in his closet. He was too old for silly, babyish things like that and he didn’t want to make his mother mad. Without the night light, he had trouble falling asleep every night, unable to shake his fear. His pacifier helped.

On Theo’s tenth birthday, his parents took him to the Classification Center to be tested like every other ten year old in the world. His mother was a slave and his father a master, so he was certain he’d be one of the two. His results came back as a little. Theo didn’t know what a little was, but it was obviously very bad if his parents' reactions meant anything. His father got red in the face and stormed out while his mother burst out in tears. When they got home, no one mentioned it.

Everyday after, Theo wondered what a little was. He knew some about classifications, about masters, slaves, doms, subs, owners, and pets. But he didn’t know anything about littles. He wanted to know what is was, why he was one, and what made it so bad to be one, but he was terrified. He was afraid if he disturbed the subject from where it was hidden, his parents would hate him. They already did, but at least he could hold the illusion that everything was okay between them.

Theo was eleven and a half years old when his parents demanded he be retested at the Classification Center. Reluctantly, they agreed to retest him. The results came back the same: Theo was a little and there was no doubt about it. When they returned home, his father locked Theo in the hallway closet. After 48 hours, he was let out and everything went back to normal where they ignored Theo's classification. Theo didn't even dare to think about it.

When Theo was twelve years old, he built up the courage to look up what a little was. It was one of the rarest classifications. It made sense. Suddenly everything Theo felt was validated. There were people out there who felt and acted younger, and he was one of them. There were some positive articles and pages out there, but for every person that encouraged littles, there was another person who expressed their disgust with the classification. Theo didn’t know how to feel. Was he disgusting?

Theo was thirteen years old when he started to collect his little items in a shoebox in his closet. His pacifier stayed under his pillow because he needed that at night. Inside his box was a small baby blanket. It was a pale blue color and was incredibly soft. When Theo was alone, he’d hold it to his face and imagine he was safe and tiny. Also in his box was a sippy cup. It was red with a blue lid. When he got a chance (which was rare), he’d fill it up with milk and drink it while pretending to be a toddler. The only other thing in his box was a spare pacifier, just in case something happened to his favored one. Theo wished he could have more, but he didn’t have the money or the privacy for very much more.

A month before Theo turned fifteen years old, his mother found the shoebox. She had been cleaning while he was at school. When he came home, his father had changed the locks for the house. On the front door was a note that told him he wasn’t ever welcomed in their home again. Theo was on his own.

When Theo was was sixteen years old, he found a shelter for abused and homeless littles, it was kind of like an orphanage, as it homed littles for months or even years if they needed it, though they also catered to littles who still lived on the street. The people at the shelter cleaned him up and gave him a bed and food. For the first time in a year, he wasn't hungry, cold, or filthy. They provided him with the means to get his GED, even though he was nearly two years behind. After he passed the test and received his GED, he managed to find a job as a waiter in a local cafe.

It was just past Theo’s seventeenth birthday when he finally could afford his own apartment. It was tiny, gross, and in a sketchy part of the city, but he could finally be on his own and not feel like he was freeloading off of the shelter. The landlord would regularly come up to his apartment at night. Theo couldn’t say no; he needed the apartment. He felt so dirty afterwards.

Theo was eighteen years old when he met Levi. Levi had come in the cafe, mostly to get out of the rain, and sat in Theo’s section. They talked. More than Theo should have but the cafe wasn’t busy so he could get away with it. When Theo left, he left a generous tip as well as his phone number. Little did Theo know he had met the love of his life.


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo is not good at confrontation, especially twice in one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about any mistakes. I was really anxious to get this posted so my proofread was a bit hurried.

Theo’s sitting on his bed in his tiny apartment, a pacifier in his mouth. He’s so completely enthralled, he can’t even hear the clunking sounds of the shitty air conditioner above his head. He’s unable to tear his eyes away from the tiny piece of paper, a phone number scribbled across it. He’s been looking at it long enough that he has the seven digits memorized. He wants to call him, dear lord he really wants to call him.

He lets his pacifier drop into his lap, the familiar feeling of shame and self loathing creeping up to his eyes in the form of tears. He can’t call. Levi wouldn’t want to go on a date with a little. He’s disgusting and weird. Certainly, Levi wouldn’t still be interested if he knows what Theo is.

Reluctantly, Theo hides the paper away in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. He won’t think about it anymore, he tells himself. He would forget about Levi, about dating anyone. He just can’t handle a broken heart.

Glancing at the clock, he startles. He has work in less than an hour. He quickly jumps up from his bed, searching through the piles of clothes on the ground for his uniform. Once it’s haphazardly thrown on, he rushes out the door, hoping he can still catch the bus.

The bus ride is uneventful, as it usually is. He gets squished between a large, muscular man and a mother trying to wrangle her two children into being still and quiet. The tight quarters make Theo nervous, so he's incredibly relieved when he gets off at his stop a block from the cafe.

Work is pretty run of the mill. He has some kind customers who tip well, he has some holy terrors of customers who don't tip at all. The day is as good as it gets considering work keeps Theo busy enough that he can't possibly spare a thought for Levi. Everything is fine.

That is until she walks in. She comes into the café wearing a pink romper, bright ribbons in her coily, black hair, and is sucking on a pacifier. She's holding hands with a woman who smiles at her affectionately while she twirls and giggles happily. 

Theo stops because it's so obvious that this girl is a little, and it's likely that the woman with her is a Mommy. Theo feels a chill run through his body and down his fingers. He watches as they sit in his section. 

He tries not to stare at the little girl as he takes her order, but it's hard not to. This girl is everything he wants, but everything he can't have. She's smiling and comfortable being herself and  _ little _ . 

The girl notices his staring and frowns. She glares at him and asks, “Do you have a problem with me?”

Theo recoils, shocked and a bit scared by her sudden and intense confrontation, “W-what?”

“Look, there's nothing wrong with being a little. It's just as valid as any other classification.”

The other woman touches the girl’s arm, “Stephanie…”

“I…” Theo starts, trying to find the right words. His hands are shaking now and he really wants to run and hide somewhere. Finally, he manages to stutter out an explanation, “I wasn’t judging. I… I’m sort of a little too. I’ve just… never seen a little so out about it. I’m not sure if I’ve actually met another little.”

“Oh,” She says. Stephanie pauses for a moment before saying, “What do you mean ‘sort of’? Are you a little or not?”

Theo blushes, “I… I tested as one, but I don’t really… I mean, I don’t ever really get to be little. I want to, it’s just… I…” There are tears gathering in Theo’s eyes and a painful lump forming in his throat, so he stops talking and looks away, hoping his tears don’t fall. 

The other woman must have read his nametag because she addresses him by name, “Theo, I’m Grace. I’m a Mommy. You need to know something. There’s nothing wrong with who you are. Not one thing.”

Just like that, the tears are falling. He hears his father’s voice and his head and tries to stifle his sobs; it’s not manly. But he can’t, and then Stephanie is up out of her chair. She approaches him slowly, “Can I hug you? Hugs always make me feel better.”

Theo nods, letting Stephanie wrap him in her arms. He quickly stops his tears and pulls away, not wanting to cause any kind of a scene. He croaks out a weak thank you before retreating to the kitchen. 

He goes back to work, trying to act like nothing happened, but he can’t stop thinking about the words Grace said:  _ There’s nothing wrong with him _ . He wants that to be true, he wants to be able to live like Stephanie does, being loved and cared for, mattering to people.

When Grace and Stephanie leave, they also leave their phone numbers for him and an address to a website, which by the url, seems to be geared towards little and caregivers. He pockets the information and get back to waitering. 

The rest of the night is boring and uneventful. He gets off of work at eleven, but once he finishes rolling the silverware for tomorrow and mopping the dining room floor, it’s ten minutes past midnight. The buses usually have one more run around this time, but Theo decides to stop at a convenience store and walk home afterwards. 

He grabs some ramen noodle cups, some canned fruit, and a package of brown rice. By the time he grabs the last item on his list, he won’t have but a dollar or two left. His chest feels tight and hot with anxiety at the thought of his upcoming rent, but he tells himself that he worked enough hours that payday will cover rent and then enough for some more groceries if he’s frugal.

For his last item, he goes to the baby aisle. He grabs the cheapest sippy cup they have and shoves it into his basket with a blush. Even with no one around, he can’t stop feeling shameful. 

The cashier has rung up a few of the ramen cups when  _ he _ walks in. Theo freezes because that’s Levi! How could he possibly run into him on accident for a second time? Levi grabs a bag of chips and a coke before turning to check out. His tired eyes light up when he spots Theo.

“Theo!”

“H-hey, Levi. What brings you here at this time?” Theo manages to sound at least somewhat normal.

Levi shrugs, “I work across the street. The nights turning out to take a lot longer than my colleagues or I expected. Did you just get off work?”

Theo just nods and watch as the cashier scans and drops the bright red sippy cup into the shopping bag. For a blessed moment it’s quiet, albeit a bit awkward. The Levi speaks again, “Listen, Theo, I know it’s only been a few days since we met and you’re probably really busy. God this sound so fucking desperate. I just need to know if you’re ever going to call, because I really like you, and I want this to go out with you sometime.”

“You don’t want to date me.” It’s comes out quicker and harsher than Theo meant to, and Levi looks taken aback for a second.

Levi recovers fast, “Why do you say that?”

Theo clenches his fist. The sharp pain of his fingernails digging into his palm keep him grounded as he sorts through his emotions and thoughts so that he can clearly tell Levi, “I’m a little. I can’t be anything other than that, no matter how hard I try. You don’t want to date me.”

Theo can’t bring himself to look up. He doesn’t want to see what’s on Levi’s face, be it disgust, anger, or even to see Levi already gone. But then he hears Levi laugh. He looks up at that, and Levi is grinning, “Fate is a wonderful thing, Theo. See, I’m actually a Daddy. I usually just Dom because I’ve never found a little, let alone one I’ve really liked.”

“What?”

“This works out great. Please tell me this changes your mind? Will you go out with me?” Levi asks.

“I… You’re really a Daddy? You want this?”

“Yes! More than anything.”

“Then how could I say no?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that last bit wasn't too cheesy. Anyways, I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think!


End file.
